ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
