these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
