Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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