Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
