Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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