My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
