she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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