no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
