Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
