Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
