Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
