My room smells like vodka and shame
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
