We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
