I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
