when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
