singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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