Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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