he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
love makes seman taste better
The best revenge is premature balding
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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