Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
