I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
