look no pants
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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