found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
