I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
