Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
