Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
