she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
