His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
