yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
