i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
