but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
