Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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