so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
