i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
