I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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