I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
