do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
