I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
