Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
