Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
