I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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