he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
