It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
