Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
