So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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