I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
