Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
