brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
