So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
