In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
