i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
