did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
