now i know why i became what i already was.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
