he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We don't watch enough power rangers
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
